I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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