I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize