I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
