I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
