brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
