Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
