I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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