brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
