I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
