it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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