I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize