eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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