So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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