My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
