loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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