There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
