Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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