Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
