Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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