I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
