Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
