You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize