also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
