I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
