Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
