nut hugger
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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