Banned from zoo.
Again?
I could make wine with my vomit
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
