I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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