You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize