Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Everclear isn't food dammit
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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