it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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