He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
