i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
