just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
