What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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