We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
