Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
