I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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