never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
