Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
