It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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