i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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