I cockslap morals
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
then he tried to convert me to islam
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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