ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
