I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
