god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
