Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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