I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
