My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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