Michael Bay diarrhea
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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