Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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