Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize