it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
