Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
