I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
