i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
