i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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