Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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