Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
