How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
