the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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