maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
