I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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