Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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