I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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