we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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