bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
