Redeem this text for a blowjob
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
