Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
