I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
