I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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