So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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