And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize