So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
