She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
