new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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