You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I need to stop coming to work sober
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
